I promised to my mom

Source: https://i.pinimg.com/originals/c0/29/ae/c029ae23a6bfe4208711c3f0f65053b9.jpg

When I was still a little kid
My mom used to tell me
“My child, do not get too close to an adult man”
I asked her ‘why’?
And she replied
“Because there is a monster hiding inside them.”

When I grew up as a teenager
Once again, my mom reminded me
“My dear girl, do not get too close to the boys nor the adult man”
Again I protested her “but why?”
And she replied to me with a glare
“Because they can turn to a monster anytime!”

As I became an adolescent girl
my mom said
“Please, do not rush to choose a man for your life, okay”
“But mom…” and she interrupted
“Because you may have ended up choosing a monster instead, dear”

Today, I am a grown-up woman
Still, my mom said
“Please ensure that you live well with the man you have chosen”
I said “mom, okay. I heard it”, and she insisted again
“Yes, you should my dear. And please make sure that he will never turn into a monster to hurt you and your children, I beg you.”

“Okay, mom. Okay. It’s noted. I will do.”
I promised my mom.

Vitalia Ze

Dear Ally

Dear Ally

I remember the first time we met

we were trying to befriend each other

and we got along well

despite our differences

I am blue, while you are red

but I thought we would blend well later

One day I started to feel

that something was not right between us

as you started throw shades to me often

for every trivial silliness I had

and for being a clumsy

and that I am not a perfectionist

Like you

You are a perfectionist Ally

and I am an ordinary just-want-to-be-myself me

why suddenly you changed

for I could not change myself

to pretend someone I was not?

Dear perfectionist Ally

On the day you behaved rude to me

I was so hurt and could not understand why

why could you be so mean to me?

What had I done wrong?

I did not understand

Even until the day we parted ways

Dear Ally

Today I heard you have found your way

to something you called as a perfection

I am indeed still far away from it

I am still hurt from the hurt you left in me

But today

I want to let it go

All this resentment to you

in my heart and my mind

I forgive you

for everything you have done

for everything I have felt for you

for everything we have felt together

let us find our happiness

and be peaceful with our mind

I want to congratulate you

for every perfection you have achieved

may you always be happy and peaceful

from your old pal

The Ordinary

#letter #prompt #forgiveness #resentment

A Flying Airplane

When I was still a little kid

I love to see the airplane flying high across the blue sky

It was to me like a surprising magic visitor for my plain afternoon

It looked like  a tiny mosquito in the sky’s huge ceiling

As I laid down on a tiny green grass covered ground

I would wonder and asked myself;

“Why does that airplane looks so tiny?

Was it because my eyes are too small to see it?

Is it because of I am looking at it as a child? 

Will an airplane still look tiny even when it does not fly?

Can it see me from high up there?

Does it know that I am now looking at it in admiration?

and so my question went on and on until I almost fell asleep on the ground

Mom called me in a loud voice to get back into the house.

The airplane had gone away.

‘See you again airplane,” I said before leaving the ground.

May Day— A Phone Call with My Dad

Today is May Day

I said to my father via phone call

“What is May Day?” he asked

It’s a day off for workers dad

It’s a day off for you as a worker,

I replied. He laughed.

“What? Really? Oh dear, you must be kidding me

when could a worker have a day off in his life?

Perhaps when he is getting sick or about to die.

Workers meant to work everyday to earn income

and to sustain his life

Just look at me my dear

Since I was a teenager I had learnt to be a worker for a lifetime

learning one skill to another skill and grow with it

from being a farmer in your grandparent’s rice-field

then a young military boy for gun-keeping task during 1970s of our country’s resistance

learning to become an electrician, a builder, a repairman, a servant

then learning to become a tailor.

Today I am a tailor while at the same owning a small clothing business

with the profits only enough to afford your education

and a bag of rice for everyday meal.

But you know what I love tailoring the most my dear

I love how my hands cooperates with the sewing machine

and turns the textile to a school uniforms

isn’t that a magic, my dear?

As I sell that magic for $10 to $20 US Dollars each

people keep coming ordering the magic I create

they said they loved it so much when they wear it

and now I have so many orders stuffed on the table at my tailoring shop dear

how could I take the day off my dear?

I am not a fancy office employee like you my dear,”

I sighed, dad is laughing.

But dad, please, do take a day off

you deserve it you know, I insisted

“Alright darling, but after I finished the orders”,

my dad replied and the phone call ended.

Today is May Day

is it really a day off?

Dili, May 1, 2020.

And So Let It be


Photo by Yuvraj Singh on Unsplash

Waiting…

It’s been a long time for this solitude accompanying my heart

Leaving me with all the longings

That took me to an imaginary world

Then how would it be when he return?

Coming…..

And finally it is the time

To end this waiting

Time has brought various gifts about him

Among all the good things and all the beautiful fruits of his dream

And so I am happy

Saddening….

When I saw that time also brought another reality

Not in line with my wish

But it is his wish

And I could not say no

Thus I should let go

Do not…

Do not come to me anymore…

Flaunting your beauty and success

Do not even greet me…

As that voice of yours would shatter my heart again

Do not give me your laughter…

As I am afraid this feeling might woke me up again

From my ignorant sleepiness

That I have built

On the tomb of love I built in my heart

And so let it be.

Dili, February 24, 2014

Talita kum

Talita kum, my Soul

For you are the true essence

Of my abstract life

The basic substance

on the fuel of my machine body

With you I found my reason to live

Talita kum, my mind

For you are the fuel

That joints all my body spareparts

With you,

I know I am not a merely a fucking life machine.

Talita kum, my body

For you are the outer body part of me, a machine

I am a machine designed for life

To entertain life is my aim

But I am more than a machine

I do not wanted to be machine at all

So go fight that controller

Beat it to your feet

Let you be its controller

Talita kum… talita kum.. 

Oh my body

my mind 

and my soul.

Chakras5

The Hot Wisdom Tea

Every morning, the universe pour the hot wisdom tea from its teapot to my small tea glass.  

I have to wait till it gets warm before I could sip it slowly to finish. 

Sometimes, I also have to blow it so I can inhale its smell.

If I drink it at one gulp, then I will not truly feel its  sweetness.

Batugade, 22/6/2018

Unheard

It’s 10 pm, you already fell asleep

It’s 12 am, and my mind cannot sleep

I tossed to left, I tossed to right

Still I cannot get myself right

On this cotton bed cover

I shed my tears, getting myself uncover

I know you do hear me sobbing

But your ears may have no opening

Here, in our bedroom, I am crying

But here, also in our bedroom, you remain deafening.

Bedroom, 24/6/2018