Today, I Woke Up Early at 5 am

Photo by Julian Hochgesang on Unsplash

Last night, before laying down to sleep, I created a mental alarm in my mind to wake up early at 5 am tomorrow. And this morning, I did woke up at the planned hour with light feeling and I felt so amazing as if I just woke up after a thousand year of sleep .

Since the past months of last year, I have been rarely wake up early in the morning before 6 am and instead I usually woke up at 7 to 8.30 am with a heavy sleepy head and sticky eyes. After waking up from bed with such condition, I would rush my self to do everything as instant as possible. Measure, wash and cook the rice on rice-cooker and while it is plugged on I would made the bedroom, swept the floor, boil water in the electric kettle while thinking about what to wear today to office and whether I should iron the clothes I choose.

I would then continue rush myself into bathing quickly, brush my teeth (and wash my hair if necessary), wash the underwear and drip-drying them onto the clothes line. After that, I would run into the room quickly to dry myself from the remaining bathing water drops with the towel, applied some lotion in body before I could change the clothes and get myself ready as quickly as possible as if I am chasing by somebody in this such a rush. I would style my hair in the most simple hair style, mostly clipped or tied high bun and put some bobby pins in my front head hair to make the calm the flying strands. I had a curly hair with flying strands. After the hair do, the next thing is make up and to minimize time I would only apply moisturizer and a lib gloss and the last touch is to spray a perfume before grabbing my bag and the wet towel when went out from the room and locked it. I would choose my pair shoes-of-day, mostly flat shoes or sandals with low heels and after hang the towel onto the clothes line to let it dry, I would leave the house to office with a sun-glass covering my eyes from the hot weather in Dili, Timor-Leste.

Such a rushing messy morning. After staying in office the whole day and deal with a lot of work stress and life stress, I would go home drained and exhausted. I do drink water to hydrate myself but not as mush as it should be to hydrate a drained person. I would take a bath, change clothes, prepare dinner or do some shopping at the nearby shops before preparing dinner. After dinner is ready, I would eat or drink a light junk-food while trying to have a conversation with my partner which turned to be a very short dialogue with no further interactions. My partner would be busy with his phone in the attempt to avoid the serious conversation that may turn down his mood of discussing and analyzing issues in our relationship. With such response, I would automatically letting him know that dinner is ready and we both would eat in silence sometimes watching some boring TV channels. After dinner, I would expect my partner to wash the dish which sometimes made him gaze me in an unpleasant look. But he did do the dishes afterward.

After watching his favorite channel, he would then lay down in the bed leaving a space for me while I turned off the light. I crawled onto the bed and sleep with my back turned to him who also turned his back to me as if we both are forming letter X with our bodies. While he is snoring in the deep sleep, my eyes are wide open evaluating how I have spent my days in exhaustion. Why I felt as if I am dragged? Why I have to sleep tonight and go to work tomorrow to repeat the routine and many more why come to my mind until I realized it has been 12.00 am and I should force my eyes to shut down for sleep. It continued remain like that for many months and I know for sure that I have been indulging myself into the bad habit of sleep. Tomorrow, I will be wake up in a sleep head again.

Today, as I started my first week of the new year, I realized I have to change the habit chain. As I woke up, I could hear the bird chirping, the local vegetables sellers playing the musing loudly from their sales cart. I woke up, evaluate my feeling and I feel better. Much better though I do not know what will happen today. I went out to catch the veggies salesman to buy some vegetables which cost me only 1 USD. Now, I realized that if continue to wake up at this hour I could catch cheaper vegetables sellers and thus help this local seller to earn income rather that I purchase from big Chinese shop who charged extra costs to the local vegetables the sell. I started cooking rice and prepare my lunch box, I drink a glass of water and repeat other routines. My partner still sleeping for he is taking annual leave. Oh how I wish I could extend my annual leave which I have to end due to some important tasks in this week. I bring an apple with me for breakfast at the office, unfortunately I could not manage to prepare a decent one.

At the office, I felt that I could cope better with the atmosphere. There were less pressures but I know this is because it is the beginning of the year. The real pressures will come along during the whole year and I know I have to be ready to bear it. Perhaps, one way to anticipate is to wake up early in the morning at 5 am like today.

#notetoself #shortstory #dailylife

Dili, January 2019

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Congratulation

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Congratulation is a word we said to please or to support other person or something because of any progress that has been made.

Sometimes that progress can be any small thing or even some big things. Sometimes, the progress can be about something that just started, going on or something that has been done.

Nevertheless, a progress is something relative for which to somebody it is significant but to other may not always the same. This depends on every individual who perceives and feels it.

Sometimes, the word ‘congratulation’ itself has rather became a cliché as we often use it for something insignificant. However, to perceive and to feel that something is truly significant or not is somehow depends on every individual.

To me, the word ‘congratulation’ is a precious gold coin. Thus I would love to reserve well my gold coin and will only give it to somebody or something that deserves it when I could perceived and felt that the thing that was done did have a value or significance for me to give away my precious-gold-coin and that its significant is not only imply to me but also to everyone regardless of how small or how big the impact is.

-Pássabe, Oecusse (Timor-Leste)
June 14, 2018

Someone in my heart

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She is innocent

She sees love as a grace

and peace as a beauty

She sees hatred as a fire

and ignorance as a futile

She stays in my heart

She watches over me

Whatever I do

She quiets when I talk

She talk when I quiet

She is calm when I am angry

and she is angry when I am calm

Sometimes we are one voice, one heart

Sometimes not though

But we are always together…

Dili, March 23, 2018

Childhood Memory

Dear mom

I am now recalling my childhood memory with you

It was not a good one though.

You left me raised by your sisters

As you went away for some days, sometimes even couple of weeks

They said you went away to get me some bread and sweet cakes.

I did not want them. 

I missed you so much 

Yet you did not come back for weeks

I felt so hurt. 

So I cried out loud every night.

Your sisters almost gave up on me.

They told me to stop crying and be quiet. 

That was how I learnt to stop missing you. 

Then one day you came unexpectedly. 

I was playing alone with my clay toys. They told me to get up and run for you and welcome you home.

I did turn around and stared at you blankly. I did not know what to say. I just sat still and being quiet again.

Your face turned regretful. 

Then you came to me and greeted me. ‘Are you alright, darling?’ you said. I just nodded and be quite again.

You felt strange with me. So did I to you.

Since that day, I did not know how to restore this bound between us.

But you keep trying to restore it and you never stop until today.

Dili, 2018

VZ

The Masks

This is the excerpt for your very first post.

We were once our own true self during the conception in our mother’s womb

Until we came to the world

And a mask was put on us

They said this is our mask, our name

Then we live with the mask for our life

On the day of our death

The mask fallen off

It is left there, or somebody will pick it up to reuse it.

We then return to our true self

Living in a contemplation in our mother earth’s tomb.
Dili, March 2018

Honesty is Very Expensive!

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Honesty is very expensive!
To be honest in a truth is very costly
As you walk according to the counsel of truth
You will get insults, hatred
People say ‘how arrogant you are, how stupid you are, how you do not know anything.
Step aside!’
‘Do not you be so self-righteous! Do not you be so sanctimonious!
Let the lies rule over everything to go smoothly!
Who are you to confront?

Really my brothers and sisters …
Lying is cheap and easy and keeps everything go smooth
We are sweet to each other
We call each other ‘friends’
But who wants to punish his heart to death?
Is it you or me?


My brothers and sisters…
Honesty for the truth is expensive
But it is the one who gives freedom of life!

 

VZ, March 24, 2016

To A Friend

 

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Stroll With A Friend-By Leonid Afremov 

A long time ago I knew him briefly but not closely. He is a charming, friendly and an easy going person I ever know. I saw him for the first time when he was still a teacher and a learner in that eastern land.  He always shares a sweet smile and warm greeting to everyone. That made me thought that he would be a bright future prophet.

After a few years, I met him again briefly. That time, we met in the center of the Rocky city where he was in rush to catch a bus to Dili. Yet he was still able to greet me and tell me about his new life.

‘I am going abroad after this’ he said with a bright smile. He looked so happy.

‘Abroad? To where?’ I asked.

‘USA. I got a scholarship.’ he said proudly.

‘Wow. That’s great maun*. Congratulation!’ I responded to him with amazement and so we shared our farewell.

After several years, I met him again in the road of Palapaço in Dili. This time, he appeared with a new look and charismatic aura. He stopped, looked at me with his big friendly smile and greeted me yet I look at him in wandering, trying to recognize him.

‘Hey, it’s me. Have you forgotten me?’

After a few minutes, I smiled and looked at him with surprise.

‘Mine, you look great maun. Totally changed. What’s your secret?’ I said.

‘No. No secret at all. I am still the same as before’ he answered with a humble smile.

After a brief Q&As on our latest life updates, we shared our farewell.

 

Today, I heard again about his journey with disbelief.He is lying in the hospital bed for few months due to kidney failure. He looked so thin and pale yet he still managed to smile while receiving much material and immaterial support from his friends. All of them wish him to recover soon.

From this distance, I continue to wish him a miracle. I hope that, as of the prophet who was swallowed by the whale, he could also receive his miracle after three days of faithful waiting.

Here, I continue to hold on the hope that we could meet again someday, With him smiling genuinely at me and said ‘Hi, it’s me again. I am back.’

*maun = brother in Tetum Language.

VZ, Dili, September 7th 2016